ctmi christian testimonies

“I was clinically depressed, but today I’m healed and restored by the Lord”

I was saved in 1998, and the Lord put a genuine desire in my heart to serve Him, but eight years later my life was in a complete mess. On the surface everything appeared fine – I had a budding career, a nice house in Johannesburg, and a pretty good social life. At the same time I was living a life of drugs, pornography, and immorality. On top of all that, I was clinically depressed, unable to get out of bed without the help of anti-depressants and continuous therapy. Still I opted for this way of life in the world, as all I had found in church had been condemnation… always being told how I should live, but never having the power to attain it.

In August of 2006 I found myself at a CTMI youth camp in Zimbabwe. Don’t ask me how I got there… it definitely wasn’t on my agenda, but somehow the Lord wrenched me out of my miserable life for a few days in order to hear a clear and simple gospel of repentance, and about a life given completely to Jesus Christ. I had no idea then of the totality of my life that Jesus would require, but by His grace I made the decision to surrender all that day.

When I returned home I experienced, for the first time, a freedom from sin that had kept me bound for so many years. All I could do was give more of my life to Jesus in gratitude. A month later, I attended a CTMI family camp  organised by Basil O’ Connell-Jones, pastor of Grace Gospel Church in Durban. Once again, I heard and saw the message of the cross in action. Having met so many people from Mauritius, I decided to go and spend a bit of time with the local CTMI on the island. For some people, this decision seemed crazy, as I stood to lose a lot materially, and barely knew anything about the the CTMI churches. But the direction in my heart was clear and I knew it was the call of the Lord. It was taken completely on my own, without any pressure or feeling any kind of obligation to anyone.

Shortly before I left for Mauritius, I went off my anti-depressant medication. After I arrived I realised very quickly that in my zeal I had been too hasty. I soon plunged into a debilitating depression again. Anyone who has had the experience of dealing with a seriously depressed person will know that it is no easy task. An Elder whom I grew to love dearly, welcomed me into his home and I stayed there with eleven other people through the worst time of my illness. During all this time, I stubbornly refused to go back on medication. Regardless of my own state and attitude, these people who barely even knew me continued to persevere with me in patience, in love and with grace, despite having nothing to gain for themselves. Not once did I feel that I was not welcome. It goes without saying that I was never pressured or manipulated to stay in Mauritius! Why would anyone have wanted me to in that state? I began to realise that this was no human effort, but that these Christians were living something real with God that allowed them to love me without hypocrisy. I knew that I was witnessing the gospel in action, and it encouraged me to stay with the church and persevere.

I am so grateful to God for the gospel of Jesus Christ, and I count it an honour to stand by Miki Hardy, and all the men of God of CTMI, who stand tirelessly for the message of the cross; also, all the brothers and sisters who have given their lives for it. Today, I am off all medication, healed and restored by the Lord in His time, serving Him in freedom together with all these wonderful people. Of course, I still often struggle and have many faults and weaknesses, but I know what Jesus has accomplished in my life through the gospel, and I just want to persevere… not to please any person, but the Lord Himself.